Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.” [Matthew 18:21-22]
Recently I had the opportunity to participate in a leadership conference held in Kakamega, Kenya. Conference organizers invited Friends leaders from each FUM Yearly Meeting in Africa, along with representatives from other Friends organizations. The conference provided an opportunity for Friends to look at their past, celebrate their accomplishments, acknowledge their mistakes, and envision how God will guide them moving forward.
Jacob Neyole, Zablon Malenge, and Ephraim Konzolo were invited to speak on the history of Friends in East Africa. They spoke with appreciation about early missionaries who proclaimed the Gospel of Christ and developed institutions to support the Friends Church for future generations. They spoke about the many European and American missionaries who left the country after Kenyan independence—a departure that created a leadership vacuum that was filled with a spirit of greed, self-interest, and competition. These conditions resulted in internal conflicts, land disputes, and ongoing splits among Friends.
I was invited to speak on the peace testimony and talk about the Friends family secret—that while Friends are known around the world as a people of peace, within our family we may not have peace with each other. As I spoke about corporate confession, Ron Bryan and I were led to ask African Friends for forgiveness for the sins of FUM that contributed to these conflicts (Ron is FUM’s presiding clerk). I will never forget the moment when FUM’s assistant presiding clerk, Richard Sitati, responded to our confession by granting forgiveness. In that moment, the entire gathering experienced God’s grace.
Such amazing grace, I pray, will give shape to the future of the FUM community in East Africa, and beyond. Africans are currently considering a significant proposal to reconcile Kenyan Yearly Meetings. This will be challenging work, requiring humility, forgiveness, and grace. This work has been entrusted to the new “Reconstruction and Rewiring Commission.” Please pray for this commission.
Both asking for and offering forgiveness provide openings for amazing grace to enter our lives, families, and communities. Whether for old corporate sins, personal disputes, or in the shame of family secrets, granting grace is one of the most difficult things for human beings to do.
Of course, we don’t do it alone, but only with God’s help. The gospels of Jesus are replete with parables and teachings about grace. Ironically, when it comes to how to forgive and to offer grace to others, Jesus reminds us that children are the best teachers.
High Point Friends School in North Carolina has a peacemaker program for their second-grade students. Their year of learning peace culminates in a grand celebration as children show off their artwork and essays, and the lessons they learned about being peacemakers. They remind the audience that peacemakers tell the truth, are not bullies, state their emotions, consider the feelings of other people, take a time-out when they are angry, search for creative ways to resolve conflicts, and when they hurt someone say, “I am sorry.”
We could dismiss these sentiments as childish, but then we are reminded of Jesus’ words, “I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 8:3). Or, we recall Isaiah’s prophetic vision of the peaceable kingdom: “The wolf will live with the lamb, the leopard will lie down with the goat, the calf and the lion and the yearling together; and a little child will lead them” (Isaiah 11:6).
Children are indeed teachers of grace. I know there are exceptions to these generalizations, but many children are tender enough not to be cynical, humble enough to say, “I am sorry,” and free enough to offer forgiveness. Children have a natural vulnerability that must be fiercely protected. It is this vulnerability that gives them the capacity to extend grace to others. Jean Vanier writes, “It is out of our vulnerability that the grace of the Holy Spirit can touch those around us.”
For most of us who are no longer children, this doesn’t come naturally. Forgiveness is hard work and requires a great deal of intention and persistence. And Jesus knows this. In Matthew’s gospel, Peter comes to Jesus with a question, “How many times are we to forgive the person who sins against us, seven times?” This is what was prescribed by Hebrew law. But Jesus answered, “No, not seven, but seventy times seven.” Perhaps Jesus was telling Peter not to limit forgiveness to legal obligations, instead asking him to extend forgiveness until the sin no longer defines the relationship. Forgive until grace enters and souls are redeemed, wounds healed, and community restored. Forgive until you can move into the future joyfully and freely.
Study Questions:
Recall your encounters and experiences of grace. How have these experiences influenced or changed your life?
What Gospel stories speak to you about grace?
How do you define and describe grace?
How does Jesus’ example of grace influence your relationships with others? Your relationship with yourself?
Are you being asked to extend grace to someone?
What do you think Jesus meant by forgiving the one who sins against us “seventy times seven?”
What lessons of life and grace have you learned from children?
What is the connection between vulnerability and grace?
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