Integrity is one of the primary Friends testimonies. For years, I have understood that testimony of integrity to essentially mean, “Let your walk match your talk.” That certainly is a worthy and noble goal. Great damage is done to our witness when we live lives that are duplicitous. But the nature of that definition makes it seem that if we just fix our outward actions and get them to match our inward desires, then all will be okay. The focus, then, is on what I can do externally in order to fix what is going on inwardly. This sets us up for a spiritual journey, though, that drifts very close towards legalism and even frustration.
My understanding of the testimony shifted when I began to explore the origins of the word “integrity.” It actually comes from the word “integer,” which is a Latin word meaning “a whole number,” or, “a thing complete in itself.” In other words, a life of integrity isn’t the result of trying harder or gritting our spiritual teeth and working harder at being more honest. A life of integrity is the fruit of a life that is whole and a heart that is undivided. The starting point of a life of integrity is an inward focus. It’s paying attention to our heart and seeking to live a life that is whole and undivided.
In Psalms 86:11-12, we read these words: “Teach me your way, O Lord, that I may walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart to revere your name.” (NRSV) I don’t create this undivided heart. It is a gift from God. I receive this gift when I open my life to God and allow God to teach me what I need to know and how I need to live. As a Quaker, this speaks powerfully to me as I seek to live into the phrase, “Christ has come to teach his people himself.” As I open my life up to the presence of the Living Christ, I am taught directly what I need to know that will lead me toward a life that is whole and undivided. In this way, the Living Christ is not only my Teacher, but also my Savior. To be “saved” is to be “made whole” and this “wholeness” is a result of living faithfully into the Truth we are given through the presence of Christ. This is not “Truth” as a proposition or a belief statement. It is “Truth” as a living relationship with Christ that speaks directly to my condition and orders my life in such a way that I am living faithfully, truthfully, and with integrity.
When we live a life of integrity, we ultimately are living out our truest and deepest self. We are living from a place of deep authenticity and honesty. We are no longer hiding who we truly are or who God has called us to become. We are no longer divided between who God has called us to be and who we think others want us to be. Often our dividedness is a result of seeking to please others and forsaking God’s original blessing on our lives through failing to live out of our giftedness and calling. When we do that, we bring a divided self to the world around us. This divided self can do damage not only to our lives, but to the relationships and projects of which we are a part. As the Quaker author Parker Palmer puts it:
“I pay a steep price when I live a divided life, feeling fraudulent, anxious about being found out, and depressed by the fact that I am denying my own selfhood. The people around me pay a price as well, for now they walk on ground made unstable by my dividedness. How can I affirm another’s integrity when I defy my own? A fault line runs down the middle of my life, and whenever it cracks open—divorcing my words and actions from the truth I hold within—things around me get shaky and start to fall apart.”
To live a life of integrity—an undivided life—is not only a gift we receive from the grace of God, it is also a gift we bring to the world around us. To be healed of our dividedness is a great act of love on behalf of others. For when we are undivided, we bring to our world a life that is authentic, centered, ordered, peaceful, and seeking the common good in all things. When we are inwardly divided, life feels like a competition. When we are inwardly whole, life feels like a collaboration.
As I have explored the testimony of integrity in a deeper way, I have come to realize that it is a process and a journey. It is more than just deciding to let my walk match my talk. It is a process that begins inwardly and works itself outwardly. It begins with my openness to have my dividedness healed. This, for me, is part of the salvation journey and experience. As this dividedness is healed, I begin to come into deeper awareness of my True Self. As I become aware of my True Self, I am invited to live into it faithfully and diligently. This means forsaking the temptation to impress or live a life of pretense. It means courageously living into who God has called me to be and my inner truth and resisting the temptation to accommodate my life to others in order to seek approval. Again, as Parker Palmer puts it, “There can be no greater suffering than living a lifelong lie. As we move closer to the truth that lives within us—aware that in the end what will matter most is knowing that we stayed true to ourselves—institutions start losing their sway over our lives.” Maybe this is the gracious gift of repentance. Maybe repentance is more about turning back towards our True Self and living into the gift of wholeness so that we can bring a whole self to the world around us.
The testimony of integrity is an important testimony for Quakers. In fact, it may be the baseline testimony from which all the others emerge. As we live a life that is whole, we also begin to live a life that brings forth peace, simplicity, equality, and a deep sense of community. But it means you and I need to have the courage to name our dividedness and open ourselves up to the gracious guidance of the Living Christ. And then we can pray with the Psalmist,
“Teach me your way, O Lord, that I may walk in your truth;
give me an undivided heart to revere your name.”
(Psalm 86:11-12, NRSV)
Scott Wagoner is presently in his 14th year as Pastoral Minister of Deep River Friends Meeting (NCYM-FUM). He also serves as the Clerk for the North American Ministries Committee of Friends United Meeting.
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